Why Is Self-Care Difficult? Discover Your #1 Block

Have you ever tried to create a new self-care routine? You sit down, make all the plans, set yourself up for success, and tell yourself, “This time, I’ll make it work.” But after a few days, it all falls apart. Maybe you missed a day here, skipped a step there, and concluded that you have failed. Instead of feeling proud of your progress, you beat yourself up, thinking, “I can’t even take care of myself right.” Caring for oneself seems like the most basic thing for people to do, so why is self-care difficult?

While consistently caring for your well-being seems like it should be easy, for the majority of people, it’s not! The vast majority of adults in the United States (68%) don’t engage in daily self-care practices for mental and physical health, according to yougov.com. So don’t lose heart. It’s not about a lack of willpower or being “lazy.” There are deeper reasons why caring for yourself can feel like climbing a mountain on roller skates.

In this post, you’ll learn why self-care feels so challenging and discover the #1 self-care block that’s been holding you back.  

Understanding Self-Care

Self-care has become a buzzword, but its true essence is often overlooked. Self-care involves our consistent, intentional actions to maintain and improve our well-being—mental, physical, emotional, financial, and social health. It is the foundation that supports a thriving life.

A Broad Collection of Activities

Self-care is multifaceted and includes practices to support physical, emotional, mental, social, spiritual, and financial well-being. Its broad scope can sometimes lead to confusion, but at its core, self-care involves deliberate actions tailored to an individual’s unique circumstances and needs. Since everyone’s life is different, self-care practices naturally vary from person to person. When individuals assess the many areas of their well-being and determine what they need to thrive in each, they are actively building the foundation of their overall well-being. This comprehensive approach to self-care helps maintain balance and promotes long-term health and stability across all aspects of life.

The Influence of Marketing

Modern marketing adds to the confusion. Social media often portrays self-care as intense workouts, elaborate skincare routines, or luxury wellness retreats. But many influencers admit that maintaining this image is a full-time job—and even they struggle to stay “camera-ready.” You don’t need to be lofty or elaborate to care for your life. While a spa day can be delightful, self-care is ultimately about sustainable, everyday practices that promote long-term well-being.

Carving Out a Functional Self-Care Practice

An effective self-care practice is personal, practical, and sustainable. It’s about finding what helps you feel stable, healthy, cared for, and fulfilled. Whether it’s setting work boundaries, sticking to a consistent sleep schedule, managing finances, or nurturing relationships, the key is to focus on practices that genuinely support your well-being. Self-care isn’t about following aspirational trends or achieving perfection. It’s about learning to care for yourself in ways that are kind, nurturing, meaningful, and tailored to your life. The goal is to build habits that nourish the many aspects of your well-being and foster long-term balance, stability, and health.

In this post, I’ll consider self-care in its broad, overarching sense—maintaining wellness in all aspects of life. Let’s discover the common hurdles to establishing and maintaining a loving, effective self-care practice.

Knowledge and Awareness Gaps

Have you ever felt lost when trying to take better care of yourself? Maybe you’ve thought, “I know I should be doing something, but I’m not sure what.” or “I know that I am supposed to take care of X, Y, and Z, but I don’t know where to begin.” This confusion often stems from gaps in understanding what self-care involves and how to practice it effectively.

Not Knowing What To Do

For many people, self-care wasn’t modeled or taught, especially those who grew up in challenging environments. If your caregivers struggled with their own well-being, they likely couldn’t demonstrate healthy habits. You might wonder, “What does good self-care even look like?” Without positive role models or guidance, you might not know which activities or practices are necessary for your foundation of well-being.

Even if you had wonderful role models, modern life presents challenges that didn’t exist for previous generations. Your parents’ or grandparents’ self-care strategies might not fully address contemporary issues like managing screen time, navigating social media’s impact on mental health, or avoiding the dangerous chemicals increasingly added to processed foods in recent years. What worked decades ago might need significant updating for today’s world.

Not Knowing How To Do It

Sometimes, you understand what you need—like better boundaries, stress management, or a consistent sleep schedule—but you lack the practical knowledge to make it happen. You might know you need healthier relationships but have no idea how to set boundaries. Or you recognize the importance of managing stress but don’t know any effective techniques that would work for you. Or you understand the urgency of retirement savings but don’t know what kind of account to open or where to open it.

Not Knowing When To Do What

Life isn’t static, and neither are your self-care needs. What works during college might not serve you as a new parent. What helps during a busy work period might not be enough during times of grief or transition. Without understanding how self-care needs evolve, you might feel frustrated when previously effective strategies no longer work.

Even more critically, some aspects of self-care are time-sensitive, with consequences that unfold over decades. You might not realize that starting retirement savings in your twenties versus your thirties can mean a difference of hundreds of thousands of dollars in retirement. Or that daily sunscreen use from a young age can prevent not just skin cancer but also premature aging. Missing these windows of opportunity can have lasting impacts that are difficult or impossible to reverse later.

Emotional Barriers

When it comes to caring for yourself, have you ever felt a heaviness like you have 20-pound shoes on, and it’s just too hard of a slog to proceed? Or maybe you feel nothing at all. For instance, after a stressful week, you feel like you should be doing something to care for yourself—perhaps even something as simple as taking a walk outside. But when you try to get started, you feel… nothing. No excitement. No motivation. Just a heavy emptiness that makes everything feel pointless. Try to show yourself some grace here because some strong emotional patterns may be at play.

Depression and Emotional Numbness

Depression can make self-care feel like an impossible task. When you’re dealing with depression, everything can feel heavy and exhausting. Simple activities like showering, eating well, or going for a walk can seem overwhelming. Instead of feeling refreshed or revitalized after these tasks, you might feel too drained, frustrated, or numb to even get started. Even when you know that self-care is essential, depression can sap your energy and motivation. You might find yourself thinking, “What’s the point?” or “I don’t have the energy for this.”

These feelings create a cycle where the lack of self-care worsens the depression, and the depression makes self-care harder. Breaking out of this cycle can feel incredibly challenging, but understanding that depression is a common barrier to self-care is a critical realization on your path to a well-cared-for life.  

The Complex Dance of Guilt and Shame

Guilt and shame are often intertwined emotions, yet they serve distinct psychological functions and uniquely impact self-care. Guilt arises when you feel you’ve done something wrong or failed to meet certain standards. It’s linked to actions or behaviors, prompting thoughts like, “I did something bad.” Shame, on the other hand, is about your sense of self. It’s the belief that “I am bad” at a fundamental level, affecting your core identity.

How Guilt Affects Self-Care

Guilt can make self-care feel selfish or unjustified, especially when you believe others are suffering. This core belief often manifests as thoughts like, “How can I relax when others are struggling?” or “I don’t deserve a break when my family is still dealing with so much.” In this mindset, you avoid self-care because you feel it’s unfair to prioritize your well-being. You may overextend yourself, constantly putting others’ needs first, and feel guilty even considering time for yourself.

How Shame Affects Self-Care

Shame digs deeper, affecting how you view your worthiness of care. When you believe you are inherently flawed or unworthy, self-care seems like an indulgence you don’t deserve. You might think, “I’m meant to struggle, so taking care of myself is out of bounds.” or “The idea of caring for myself clashes with the fact that I’m bad and defective.” This internalized shame convinces you that self-care is pointless or that you don’t deserve a good life.

The Impact of Low Self-Worth

Low self-worth is rooted in a deep belief that you lack value, making it hard to justify caring for yourself. When you don’t believe you deserve good things or even basic care, self-care feels like something for “better” people—just not for you. This belief undermines your ability to prioritize your own needs and well-being.

These thoughts can lead you to constantly put others first, neglect your own needs, and avoid self-care practices because you feel like you’re not worth the effort. You might even feel guilty for wanting or needing time for yourself. Low self-worth can also cause you to question your worthiness when you do engage in self-care—feeling undeserving or like you’re “taking up space.”

Fear and Vulnerability: The Hidden Barriers

Fear and vulnerability are powerful emotions that can significantly impact your ability to practice self-care. When you’ve been hurt in the past, especially in dysfunctional or traumatic environments, it’s natural to build up walls to protect yourself. However, this can make it incredibly difficult to feel safe caring for yourself in healthy ways.

How Fear Blocks Self-Care

Fear often stems from a sense of feeling unsafe, either emotionally or physically. It might be the fear of failure, judgment, or even rejection if you take time for yourself. You might fear that focusing on your own needs could make you look selfish or irresponsible, especially if you were taught that prioritizing others is more important.

When struggling financially, self-care can feel like an unaffordable luxury rather than a necessity. Operating in survival mode leads you to view investing time or money in self-care as irresponsible or threatening to basic needs. This belief pattern creates a cycle where neglecting your well-being becomes a survival strategy, undermining your capacity to cope with daily challenges.

How Vulnerability Blocks Self-Care

Vulnerability plays a thwarting role in self-care. To truly care for yourself, you must be vulnerable enough to acknowledge that you need help or support, whether through seeking therapy, asking for guidance, or accepting help. However, when you’ve been hurt or abandoned in the past, allowing yourself to be vulnerable can feel like opening a risky door to even more hurt.

We can also feel inhibiting vulnerability in our relationship with ourselves. If you have tried to better your life in the past and your efforts didn’t work out well, you may feel disappointed in or mistrusting of yourself. Suppose your inner self has drawn these critical conclusions about your own efforts. In that case, making another effort and potentially letting yourself down again can be too painful to try.  

Thought and Behavioral Patterns

Your thought patterns and behaviors can sneakily sabotage practicing self-care, often operating beneath your conscious awareness. These patterns may have developed as survival strategies or coping mechanisms. But now they stand in the way of your well-being.

All-or-Nothing Thinking

If you have perfectionist tendencies, you may often fall into the trap of all-or-nothing thinking. Regarding self-care, this mindset can make you feel like it doesn’t “count” unless you dedicate significant time and effort. This belief can be paralyzing, making it seem pointless to start unless you can do it perfectly. When things don’t go as planned, the entire effort may feel like a failure, leading you to give up. However, establishing a new self-care routine requires practice, trial, and adjustment before it becomes second nature. The process of trying, failing, refining, and trying again can feel too daunting for perfectionists, often blocking progress before it even starts.

Overwhelm and Decision Fatigue

With so many self-care messages, options, and advice swirling around—exercise, food choices, sleep routines, relaxation techniques—it can be overwhelming to figure out where to start. The pressure to choose the “best” option for your needs can lead to decision fatigue, making it difficult and exhausting to approach getting started. You might wonder how much time and money each activity will take and whether you have the capacity to fit them in.

Executive Function Challenges

Executive function—your brain’s ability to manage tasks, organize, and plan—plays a vital role in establishing and maintaining wellness routines. While everyone experiences occasional challenges with executive function, those who are neurodivergent, have ADHD, or are trauma survivors may encounter unique and ongoing hurdles.

It may be challenging to organize your space, manage time effectively, or follow through on plans. Regarding self-care, executive function difficulties can create additional barriers. Even with the best intentions, a lack of structure or struggles with maintaining routines can leave you feeling scattered, overwhelmed, or unproductive. Executive function challenges can make it harder to engage consistently in self-care practices, often leading to frustration.

When living with executive function challenges, it’s not a matter of trying harder! Recognizing and understanding your specific executive function needs and learning tailored strategies to set yourself up for success is key to developing sustainable and supportive self-care routines.

Societal and Cultural Influences

Social and cultural norms significantly shape how we approach self-care and, often, whether we believe we deserve it. These norms play a role in our orientation toward personal well-being, especially for women, who are frequently socialized to prioritize others’ needs.

Superwoman Syndrome

In many cultures, particularly in the U.S., women are expected to “do it all.” The pressure to be the perfect caregiver, professional, homemaker, and beauty standard setter often makes women feel like they have to balance multiple roles flawlessly. This overwhelming expectation can create the “Superwoman Syndrome,” where women think that if they aren’t excelling at everything, they are failing. Ironically, the pressure to constantly perform leaves little room for self-care, leading to exhaustion, stress, and burnout. Quiet, slow moments for themselves can feel like one more thing to juggle, intensifying feelings of overwhelm.

Putting Others First

Many women absorb the cultural belief that they should always put others before themselves. This “caregiver” role can take many forms—whether as the keeper of the home or the primary caretaker for family members. Gender norms often tie women’s worth to their ability to nurture, care for, and serve others. This ingrained mentality can leave little room for women to prioritize their own needs. The act of putting others first can become so entrenched that self-care feels like a selfish act, even when it’s crucial for well-being.

Time and Energy Constraints

The practical realities of daily life can create significant barriers to implementing self-care practices, even when you understand their importance and want to prioritize them.

The Reality of Busy Schedules

You might feel like there simply isn’t enough time to practice self-care. Between work, family, and other responsibilities, it can be easy to put your own well-being at the bottom of the list. The puzzle of when to fit self-care activities is often compounded by time-management challenges, where everything feels urgent, and there’s always something that needs your attention.

Physical and Mental Exhaustion

Finding the energy to care for yourself can feel impossible when you’re physically or mentally drained. Whether from stress, insomnia, over-scheduling, or overwhelming responsibilities, exhaustion makes it difficult to take action on anything, let alone prioritize self-care. It’s during these times, though, that self-care is needed the most, even though it’s (understandably) the last thing we’re likely to reach for.

Financial Constraints

For many, financial stress—whether driven by a scarcity mindset or real struggles—can make self-care feel like an unattainable luxury. Even when financial stability is present, some still carry the weight of anxiety, fearing their foundation could crack at any moment. This constant “waiting for the shoe to drop” mindset often pushes self-care to the back burner, prioritizing survival over well-being, no matter how much is actually in the bank.

At the same time, countless women and families in the U.S. are facing significant financial hardship despite working full-time jobs. In these situations, survival often takes precedence over self-care, leaving little time, energy, or resources for personal well-being.

What’s Your #1 Self-Care Block?

Have you ever noticed how improving one area in your life often creates a positive ripple effect, benefitting other areas, too? Have you also noticed that trying to change too many things at once creates overwhelm and shutdown? That’s why we’ll focus on only one key area that needs your attention the most and identify the main barrier holding you back.

Now, let’s discover where you can make the most significant difference in your life right now! Why is self-care difficult for you specifically?

Start by reflecting on what area of your life needs the most care and attention right now?

• Physical Well-being (sleep, movement, nutrition, health)
• Emotional Health (stress, compassion, regulation, expression)
• Mental Wellness (mindset, thoughts, growth, clarity)
• Social Connections (relationships, boundaries, support, community)
• Life Management (routines, organization, balance, scheduling)
• Enjoyment and Fulfillment (hobbies, play, creativity, pleasure, fun)
• Financial Well-being (stability, planning, management, security)

Now that you’ve identified the self-care area that most urgently needs your attention, think about what consistently gets in your way.

Which barrier most often prevents you from consistently caring for yourself in this area?

• Knowledge and Awareness Gaps (what to do, how to do it, when to do it)
• Emotional Barriers (depression, guilt, shame, fear, vulnerability)
• Thought Patterns (perfectionism, overwhelm, decision fatigue, executive function)
• Societal Influences (superwoman syndrome, putting others first)
• Time and Energy Constraints (scheduling, exhaustion, financial stress)

Moving Forward: Your Next Steps

Congratulations on identifying your highest-priority self-care need and discovering the main barrier that’s been holding you back!

While it’s tempting to dive in and launch multiple new self-care practices at once, this often leads to overwhelm and giving up entirely. Though it might seem counterintuitive, focusing on establishing just one new practice at a time is actually the fastest path to lasting change. Once you’ve successfully woven your new self-care practice into your daily life, you can come back and confidently add another one to your routine.

If you ever feel overwhelmed or frustrated while integrating your new self-care routines, taking a quick moment to ground and center yourself can provide the reset you need. You’ll feel instantly reconnected and ready to move forward. You also might explore how wellness tech can support you in your self-care journey.